Die No More
by Protector23
Summary: Opens on an arrest gone bad and works its way on from there focusing on Lisbon's past and Jisbon. Rating for self injury and later chapters. Disclaimer!
1. Chapter 1

Dark brown hair invaded luminous green eyes to hide the owner's emotion. Teresa Lisbon had never been good at handling sorrow, the evidence of which had been etched on her arms as a teenager. She still wears jackets some days to cover the reminders of a silver blade gliding down pale skin even though it had been years. But right now there was nothing to take the emotions away. No knife could cut it off her arms or any gun to blast it into oblivion. Right now, as she kneeled in a pool of blood, there was nothing she could do except hide behind the curtain her hair had built for her. It hid her face from everyone else in the world aside from one, the one who was dying. Lisbon wanted to ask her why she had done it, but no words came out. Her thoughts were attacking her mind and they clouded her so much she couldn't think. She couldn't think to talk, to move, and even to breathe. She just knelt looking at the young woman who just saved her life bleeding out onto the floor, gunshots piercing her chest and shoulder. From what she could tell, it had punctured a major artery. If she was right, VanPelt wasn't going to make it.

Her red hair move as she took in the deepest breath she could muster, "S-Sorry boss."

"No," Lisbon said feeling new tears rise, "don't be sorry; you acted admirably. I should be apologizing to you. You weren't ready for that kind of call. This-"she stopped as she realized she hadn't taken a breath in several seconds, "this is my fault. All my…"

She couldn't finish. Form behind she could hear a loud voice, but couldn't concentrate enough to hear what it said. A few seconds later a firm hand grabbed her shoulder from behind and pulled her away, causing her to fall backwards. She stayed there for a few seconds and picked up her hands to look at them- they were stained in her agent's blood.

"Grace! Grace please, hold on!" Rigsby turned back to face Lisbon, "call an ambulance, NOW!" he yelled behind gritted teeth and a cold stare. But she couldn't. Her focus was now turned to her own injury. A single stab wound to the side of her ribs. She fought for breath as she slowly searched for her cell phone. It seemed to her like hours before she found it.

"This is your 911 dispatcher, do you need assistance?" a voice said on the other end of the line.

"Yeah…an ambulance to the 17th block of Aldridge street…"

xXOoOXx

A tall African American man walked out into the crowded waiting room looking at a clipboard as his long white coat flew behind him. "Family of Grace VanPelt," he called.

Seven adults stood from the crowd and eagerly approached him; Lisbon, Rigsby, Cho, Jane, and Mr. and Mrs. VanPelt. The doctor cocked an eyebrow at the group, "I take it you three are family," pointing to Rigsby and Mr. and Mrs. VanPelt, "and you three are friends," now pointing to the other members of the CBI team.

The former named exchanged glances, "No sir, I'm actually a co-worker."

He shrugged, "Very well. She'll live, but we do need one of you to tell us exactly what happened so that we can fully understand."

Lisbon's stomach dropped. She knew everyone was staring at her, "Uh, well Van- Grace wanted to try her first solo undercover arrest so… Everything was set up, we had ear pieces and she knew the stress word, and I was supposed to be acting as a passerby so that no suspicion would be drawn until she was going to cuff him and take him in. But…uh… when she…the killer saw me and recognized me as a cop. He pulled a gun on me and fired and Grace jumped in front of it. There was nothing I could do- I didn't mean for it to happen, I didn't even know-"

Mr. VanPelt cut her off, "This is all YOUR fault!" he yelled. He reached across his wife and slapped her. Lisbon didn't even bother moving back to the place she was standing before she was knocked off her feet because she knew she didn't deserve to even be standing with them. The doctor and Cho tried to restrain him and get him to calm down but he managed to get one kick to her side in.

Lisbon remembered that she had done the repair work on the stab wound herself and neglected to tell anyone about it. They figure the blood on her clothes was VanPelt's. The kick had reopened the cut and she was bleeding again.

"I'm…so sorry…" she coughed trying to hold back the fourth round of tears.

"Don't tell me you're SORRY! My baby girl is in there undergoing surgery and you think it'll be all better if you say SORRY?" He didn't care if everyone in the waiting room was staring, he didn't care how hard he kicked her, and he didn't care whether or not she was crying. Tears never made any difference to a football coach, even if they were from the last person anyone expected to see them from.

Lisbon managed to stand up using a nearby chair to help her and limp to the bathroom. She tried her best to tune out the man's curses, and tried her best to forget the look on Mrs. VanPelt and Rigsby's faces as he slapped her. The sweet church-going lady Grace always told her about was smiling at her pain and Rigsby, her own agent, folded his arms and just watched.

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Reviews and comments are always appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

When she reached the bathroom she looked in the mirror. She couldn't remember the last time there was so much red on her face. Her eyes, the hand mark on the side of her face, and the blood smeared on her forehead all painted her face crimson. She was wrong. She thought before that there was nothing to take the pain away, but her hand brushed against her hip and found that something could. First the safety, then the trigger- that's all it would take. She took her 45 out of its holster and pulled the safety. She took the barrel of the gun up to her forehead, her hands shaking with fear. She hadn't felt scared in a long time, but she did now. And it felt good. She smiled.

xXOoOXx

"Sir, you need to calm down. This wasn't Agent Lisbon's fault, it wasn't anybody's fault," Cho said trying to reason with him in the same monotone voice.

He didn't reply, just nodded his head. There was a long pause before anything else was said, "Cho," Jane tapped on his shoulder, "I think I'm going to go check on Lisbon."

He nodded once, "That's fine, just try not to get into trouble."

A few seconds past and Jane left in search of his boss while the Mr. and Mrs. finished a silent conversation, "I'm sorry about what I did to that woman," Mr. VanPelt told Cho, "would you tell her that I don't blame her?"

"Sure thing," he replied.

xXOoOXx

Jane walked down a short hallway and found the women's bathroom to the left. He knocked on the door, "Lisbon, are you alright?"

She wasn't listening; she was all too focused on the gun, "Lisbon?"

"Lisbon," he slightly opened the door to see if he could see her. He did, but he didn't see his Lisbon. He saw a weak, sad, small woman with a gun trained on her own head, "Lisbon! No!"

He jumped behind her holding her down with one arm and grabbing her right wrist with the other thinking she would put up a fight. She didn't even try to struggle. His arm was digging into her wound and besides that, she was tired of fighting. She was tired of living.

He easily got her to drop the gun, "Lisbon, please, don't do this to yourself. It isn't your fault, he just needs someone to blame," he said partially speaking from experience.

She kept her head down and her eyes beneath her bangs, "I know," her nearly inaudible voice cracked and it broke his heart to see her so defeated. They stood there for a while, Jane holding Lisbon in front of him with his left arm across her body holding onto her shoulder and his right caressing her wrist, "Jane- I can't- you don't understand…I have to-"

He spun her around, suddenly angry with her, "What? You think that just because you made a mistake you deserve to die for it? Do you? It would be selfish to kill yourself Lisbon, think of your team."

Round five, "But Rigsby and VanPelt hate me and Cho doesn't trust me and you- you don't-" she said miserably before he cut her off.

"I don't what?"

"You don't even… want-" she was cut off once more, but this time not by words. She was cut off by his lips crushing hers in a passionate kiss. At first she didn't know how to respond, but after that she just did what she has been wanting to do for years. She kissed Patrick Jane. Her hands moved up to his curly blonde hair and her legs wrapped around his waist. He held her back with one hand and her head with the other. Neither really knew which had deepened the kiss or when, but they knew it had happened. Jane began moving his hand towards her side, and got an odd response in return.

Lisbon broke the kiss and jumped away when he had moved across her wound. She never wanted that moment to end, but she knew it had to eventually. She held it with both of her hands, "Lisbon? Are you hurt?" Jane asked after a moment of slight confusion.

She shook her head in denial, "I just need some medicine."

He looked at the blood pouring out from her side, suprised he hadn't noticed it before, "Yeah and some stitches and blood donations. How long have you had that?"

She didn't answer, "Since the bust?"

Again, she didn't answer. Lisbon wished he had only found her three seconds later, then she wouldn't be dealing with this right now. She'd be dead.

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Heyo. I would really love it if you reviewed, but don't if you don't want to. I'll just sit here crying because nobody loves me :'(


	3. Chapter 3

Lisbon stayed in the bathroom while Jane went for help. She insisted it was no big deal, but right now he wasn't too sure he could trust her when it came to her injuries.

"Cho, can you go get a nurse? Rigsby, come help me move Lisbon, she's hurt." Jane turned assuming Rigsby would follow.

The tallest man just stood with his arms folded, "Why?"

Jane stopped in his tracks when he realized he wasn't following. He felt the anger rise up from the pit of his stomach and climb to his head. He turned and walked back to face Wayne Rigsby, "This is NOT her fault! It isn't HER fault that little innocent 'oops I sinned, I have to go to church now' Gracie couldn't perform the task she insisted on taking! Your boss is hurt and has been bleeding from a deep cut since the bust three hours ago. Do you want her to die from blood loss because she couldn't save VanPelt?" Jane never raised his voice, just kept it at a bitter, quiet tone so there wouldn't be too much of a scene like before, but Cho and the three loved ones of Grace VanPelt still stared in awe.

Rigsby didn't reply, but he didn't move either, "Fine," Jane said, "but I'll have you know that because of you and that pathetic worm of a man," he pointed to Mr. VanPelt, "she had the gun up to her head and was ready to fire. I hope you two are happy now that you know you made her feel bad enough to want to die."

Jane knew that was enough, he knew that it would be too much if he continued. He had his audience right where he wanted them. And this was his cue to walk away.

"Wait," Mr. VanPelt called out, voice still grumbling from anger he displayed a few minutes ago,"I'll help you."

He didn't stop walking, "Good, this way."

By the time they reached the bathroom Mrs. VanPelt had reached them to help in any way she could, "Oh dear, let me get a wet paper towel to wash you face off."

Lisbon didn't know what was happening, her head was spinning too much to focus on one thing, "No…no, don't…"

The men ignored her and started planning how they were going to get her beck to the emergency room, "Alright, if you can help me get her up I can carry her back to the other building," Jane said.

The older man nodded, "Ok, let's try it. One… two… three."

They lifted her up and Jane was able to cradle her in his arms easily. He never realized how small she was, "Ok, dear- I'm just going to clean off your face," Mrs. VanPelt said after fetching the towel she mentioned.

Lisbon tried to shake her off, "No…I don't…I don't want you too." She realized then that she was no longer on the ground, but in someone's arms- someone's warm arms. She thought that if there was any time to day dream, it would be now. She thought back to Jane embracing her, holding her like her loved her, and kissing her. She knew it would only happen once because later he would remember why he can't love her. If she was given one wish, she knew what it would be- she would wish that Patrick Jane's first wife never existed. It was a selfish thing to think, but she wanted him all to herself. She laughed to herself at her last thought before passing out.

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